By the Moonlight
by jane3876
Summary: What if Natsu didn't save everyone? What if he wasn't quick enough, and the life of a child was lost as a result? Lucy helps Natsu and Happy come to terms with the fatal result of a mission that went horribly wrong.


_By the Moonlight_

It was with a startled yelp that Lucy was pulled into the waking world. Shooting up, she gasped, her hand pressed against her chest. She could feel the pound of her heart on her fingertips and the sound of her raspy, uneven breathing filling the silent apartment. Her legs tangled in the sheets as she tried to kick them off, suddenly too hot for their weight. Her blond locks fell around her face, sticking to her damp, flushed cheeks.

She stood on shaky, unsteady legs and ran a hand through her hair, pushing her bangs off her hot forehead with a sigh. Her knees trembled, but she grimaced and forced herself to stay standing. An uneasy feeling settled into the pit of her stomach and she could feel her blood pumping with adrenaline. Her wide eyes darted around her room, but couldn't find the source of her awful feeling. She couldn't remember her dream, only the feel of horrible, cold fear and the knowledge that, wherever she was, whatever she was doing, she was going to die. Flashes of images crossed her mind and she pressed her trembling hand against her forehead, trying to calm down.

_Stay calm. It was just a dream. Nothing more._

But then, why did she have this terrible feeling that something was horribly wrong? Her stomach was churning and she swallowed the urge to vomit. She had never felt such a feeling before. She had never encountered this type of fear and certainty that she was going to die, but not with the knowledge of by whom or when.

Slowly, as the seconds turned to minutes, the feeling in her stomach settled and she was able to breathe out for the first time since she had woken. Her shoulders sagged and fatigue crashed over her. She had just turned to try and go back to bed for a few more hour of sleep before the sun woke her, when she heard a scuffle outside. She paused and her eyes darted to her window. She could only see the peaceful, sleeping street. Her feet started slowly, but confidently carrying her closer. Her breathing automatically turned shallow and quiet and her shoulders tensed once more as she approached.

But when she got to the window, she could see nothing to indicate the sound had been anything other than her imagination. Sighing, she shook her head.

"Jeez, Lucy. Way to get yourself worked up over nothing." She was about to turn from the window when something hit the pane of glass. She started with a small scream and recoiled. Had that been…a rock? Leaning forward, she peeked to the previously unoccupied street to see the silhouettes of two figures. One of them easily recognizable and she let out a relieved huff.

Pulling the window up, Lucy stuck her head out with an annoyed frown on her face.

"Happy?" she called softly, her voice soft. "What are you doing here? It's the middle of the night!"

"Lucy, it's Natsu. He needs help!" The blue cat cried. At his words, Lucy felt her blood run cold and turned her gaze to the figure hunched next to him. Natsu sat on the cobbled street, his face buried in his knees and his shoulders hunched in on himself. it was a defensive position she had never thought her partner would ever take.

She didn't have to think twice before she jerked away from the window and was quickly yanking her door open to sprint to his side. Falling to her knees next to him, she placed her hand on his tense back and almost recoiled at the feel of him. He was _shaking_.

"Natsu?" she gasped, trying to peer into his face, which he kept buried in his knees. "Natsu, what happened? Are you okay?"

He didn't answer. She looked over to Happy in concern. The blue cat wrung his hands, his eyes wide and gleaming with the threat of tears.

"Happy? What happened to you guys? Weren't you on a mission? You know what, never mind. Let's get him inside first."

He nodded his head and watched as she managed to unwrap one of Natsu's arms from around his knees and drape it across her shoulders. She struggled for a minute with his dead weight but somehow managed to get him standing. He kept his pink head down and his face turned away from her and Lucy felt a ball of dread turn to iron in the pit of her stomach. Never once in all her years knowing Natsu had she seen him this upset over something, _anything_. But it seemed no matter how upset he was, he still came to her. Even if once he got there, he was reluctant to actually _face_ her.

Once she managed to get Natsu into her apartment and dropped him gracelessly on her sofa, he curled back in on himself, hiding his face once more and Lucy bit her lip, turning to look at the Exceed that had perched on her shoulder. She walked them into the kitchen to make sure Natsu didn't hear them so they could talk. Although he looked like he had every intention of continuing to shut out the world around him, she didn't want to risk him hearing something that might further upset him. This side of Natsu was one she had never encountered and she wasn't sure how to proceed.

Still, she knew to start, she had to know what had happened to them.

"Okay, Happy," she said, gently setting him on the kitchen counter to look him in the eyes. "What happened to make Natsu…like _that_?"

He sniffed and looked down at his feet. "We were on the mission and it was going okay. Natsu was beating the bad mage and everything. But then, he led us into this little town. We followed him and managed to stop him from causing any more damage but…" He paused and two tears rolled down, wetting his fur and making Lucy's heart clutch. She waited anxiously for him to continue and he did, haltingly. "But…this little kid…ran by us to get...to get to his m-mother. And the mage grabbed him and when Natsu…didn't let him escape…h-he…he-"

Lucy didn't need to hear anymore and simply pulled the Exceed into her chest. Once he felt her arms around him, the tears and sobs he had been holding back escaped and he burrowed deeper into her, his little claws scratching her skin, while he cried out all his pain, his shame, his _guilt_. Lucy buried her face into his blue fur, fighting her own tears as his tiny body trembled in her arms. Her heart broke for her partner. He, more than anyone else, would take the death of an innocent hard. She could just imagine what was going through his mind.

_Oh God…Natsu, you_ _idiot. You're blaming yourself, aren't you?_

Blinking open her eyes, Lucy took a deep breath, rubbing a soothing hand down the sobbing Exceed's back. Happy and Natsu were very similar in many ways and different in very few. One of those ways is how they dealt with their emotions. Normally, Natsu was very open and honest with himself and didn't bother holding anything back. But…when something really bothered him, instead of seeking comfort like Happy did, he would walk away, try to forget and move on without _truly_ dealing with it.

She gently, without disturbing the now sleeping Exceed in her arms, made her way back into the main room where Natsu waited. He hadn't moved a muscle since they had left and the only sign that he was even aware of her presence was the minute tensing of his arms and the way his knuckles turned white as they clutched his legs. She set Happy down in the middle of her bed, a sad smile on her face as she placed a kiss on his forehead. He frowned, but otherwise made no move to wake up and simply burrowed into her sheets.

Lucy stood to her full height and turned her attention to her devastated partner. Her eyes turned sad and she bit her lip. Her hands, nervous and cold, clutched each other as she made her way to Natsu tentatively. Lowering herself to perch on the cushion next to him, she tried to look into his face, but he stayed stubbornly turned away.

"Natsu," she whispered. "Natsu, look at me. Please, look at me." He didn't twitch and she swallowed thickly, her eyes stinging. "Natsu, it wasn't your fault. You know that. You can't…you can't save everyone."

His body gave a shudder but he didn't speak, didn't raise his head.

"Natsu," she pleaded, her voice thick with tears. "Natsu, stop blaming yourself. You did all you could. You can't control what others do. That little boy…his death isn't on you. It's on that mage. I…I know I wasn't there so I don't know all that happened but…I know _you._ And the Natsu I know would have done _everything_ in his power to save that little boy. He would have tried to keep everyone safe. I know you, Natsu. And because I know you so well, I know that _this isn't your fault. _Do you hear me, Natsu? _It isn't your fault!"_

She stopped, her words hanging in the tense silence between them and waited. But after several minutes and he still made no move to acknowledge her, she sighed, disappointment a bitter taste in her mouth. Maybe he simply wasn't ready to be comforted. He probably just needed some time. But just as she was about to get up and join Happy on her bed, one of Natsu's hands shot out to gently circle her wrist and she froze. Turning wide eyes to him, she saw he had tilted his face so one bloodshot, sad eye peeked out at her.

"Lucy," he whispered, he voice dry and brittle, as if he had screamed himself hoarse. "Stay."

She nodded and settled back into the couch. At first, they just sat there, his hand around her wrist, until, slowly but surely, he uncurled from his fetal position. Turning his face toward her, Lucy had to blink back her tears at the utter _devastation_ on his face. She tried to smile at him. It came out shaky and weak.

"Hey, there," she whispered, reaching her free hand to slowly cup his cheek. When he didn't turn away from her touch, she scooted a little closer. "I missed you."

Her words, thick with unsaid emotion and her eyes, wide and brimming with tears but shining with affection, seemed to break something in him and he lunged toward her. "Luce," he groaned, wrapping his arms around her waist and burying his face in her throat. She wrapped her arms around him and pressed her face into his pink hair, catching the scent of sulfur and ash that usually accompanied the Dragon Slayer. "Luce," he moaned, his grip tight and desperate, as if he wanted to press himself into her body and make them one person. His whole body shook with the force of his silent tears and Lucy felt her own tears break free and trail down her cheeks.

A sad smile stretched across her lips and she ran one hand through his hair while the other fisted in his shirt. "Shh," she whispered against the top of his head. "It's okay. You can let it out. I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you."

They stayed that way for the rest of the night. A few hours in, Happy woke and made himself at him between the two partners, both Natsu and Lucy adjusting so they didn't smother him. Natsu kept his face buried in Lucy's neck the whole time until he eventually fell into a troubled sleep, along with his Exceed. Lucy stood watch over them the whole time, her eyes soft and understanding as two of the most precious people in her life tried to pick up the pieces of who they were. She knew they wouldn't fit quite the same way they had before, and maybe a few pieces would be missing. But she knew that she would be there to help them heal and make sure they didn't lose themselves. She would be their anchor as they had been for her for so long. She would be their salvation.

* * *

_(AN: So, I'm not entirely sure where this came from except that I was on tumblr and I was just struck by just how beautiful their relationship is, their friendship. I didn't really intend it to go this deep, but it just kind of happened. There's no specific time line to the story, just a couple years into their friendship. I hope I didn't make Natsu too OC, but I really could see him just shutting down if he ever couldn't save a life. After he beat the shit out of the bad guy of course. And I could just see Lucy helping them through it. So this happened. I hope you liked it!)_

Jane


End file.
